ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
