New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
