Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
