Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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