I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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