he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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