is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
