Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
