U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
