...so i touched it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
