Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
