I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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