She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
