So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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