I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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