The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ugly people sure do ruin things
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
