I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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