My liver just broke up with me...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
