So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
