I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
