eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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