Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
