he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
