yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
