dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
