just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
