hell yes lets make some ravioli
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
