This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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