This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
