honey bunches of taint.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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