grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
