i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
