Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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