Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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