At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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