please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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