why didn't you poke me back
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
