i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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