i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
