I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
