Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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