Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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