she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
this is an emotional support booty call
Sext me about skeletons
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
