I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
