I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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