You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
