lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
