escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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