maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
be right there i have to get my cape
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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