Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
