Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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