I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize