So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do vagina's smell?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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