I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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