so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
