either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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