did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
